Oh, summer… You’re like a long lost lover. One whom I still get butterflies for when I catch a glimpse of. Your warm embrace makes me smile like a fat kid eating cake. I snuggle up in your beams like I would a boyfriends unwashed sweater, with a hint of his cologne.
You’re irresistible, and long awaited for most people, which makes you somewhat of a sleeze if I keep referencing the whole boyfriend/long lost lover analogy… Shrug. Whore on, Summer – whore on.
- Beautiful temperatures, and scantily clad people! Weather’s hot, and people look even hotter! Yow!
- Bonfires. Because burn stuff.
- Swimming! Trying my hardest to turn into a mermaid this summer. Clam bra included.
- Cookouts. I absolutely love me some picnics, cooking at the beach, and just some good ol’ STEAK.
- Fruit and veggies galore. That’s basically all I eat all summer – not too heavy, and does the trick.
- Camping. Nature is beautiful and amazing, if you don’t like it, then something is terribly wrong with you.
- Travel, travel, travel. Step outside your comfort zone and see some new culture… There’s life out there, yanno.
- Shows/Concerts/Festivals. Who doesn’t love a good band or hippie fest? Personally, I absolutely love them.
- Moods. People are generally more happy when the weather is warm. Even if it’s rainy, you have options – rather than sit inside and eat your feelings.
- Scantily clad people! Some DO NOT need to wear little to nothing.. I’m talking to you, old man who’s wearing that ‘man thong’. Yes, you.
- Sunburns. I am a champ at this… They suck, sometimes tan lines are ugly, and the little buggers hurt. Pro? A nice tan is coming, whether or not it’s all crazy lined or racoon style due to your sunglasses is on you.
- Bugs. Millions of frickin’ ugly, biting, infesting, asshole bugs. I hate, hate, hate them. If I ruled the world…. Well, I’d mess up the natural order of things by getting rid of every last one. Thank your lucky stars that that isn’t the case.
- Still gotta work. Sadly, school years trained us to think we got the summer off, and that is just cruel. They need to add actual life classes – like how to do your taxes, fill out a money order, and how to parent. THAT would be helpful. Instead we get Algebra, because I always look at a square and try and figure out how damn big it is. Always.
- Sweaty foot and boob money. Your bra and sock are not pockets. That’s like storing things up your butt, thats just NOT how things work. Otherwise, you’d be a human Mr/Mrs Potatohead.
- Super hot concert venues or outside events. If you’re not properly hydrated, you will friggen pass out. People sweat. People stink. Some people get super obliterated and out-of-control drunk. Gross… I think I’ve made my point.
Summer mornings… Waking up, and walking out onto my front porch with my coffee in hand – feeling the warm summer breeze and hearing the locusts sing telling me that the day shall be epically hot. This is the best part of my day. The quiet. Taking the time to shake the sleep from my limbs, and reflect on my day and future conquests. How I can change the world.. Pinky and the Brain style.