Four days a week, I have to ride in a cab to get to the Anti-Drug Warehouse, in which I have to share with others while I commute. I’ve never had good luck when it came to public transportation. In fact, I’ve always had the most mind-blowingly scary rides – due to being in the same vehicle as unhinged passengers. Like, they should be in straight jackets, unhinged. I. Shit. You. Not.
What happened, you ask? Well, here’s a fun little story for you. A peek into my past horrifying rides. While being 7 months pregnant with little booger man, I took a city bus to Carousel Mall, now known as Destiny USA. I was only like 5 blocks from there, so I figured I’d chance it. No big deal, right? Wrong. I’m sitting there, minding my own obese business, when all of the sudden an older lady looked me straight in the eyes and whispered… “There’s ghosts and amplifiers on every corner.” Naturally, I look at her all bewildered like, and look around me slowly to see if she could be talking to someone else as crazy as she obviously was.
Nope, no such luck. I look at her and say, “I’m sorry, what?”
She ignores my whiney plea, and continues to repeat the phrase slowly getting louder and louder, until she is literally screaming, and standing up to yell at other patrons. I’m in some serious awe right then, and cover my stomach like she’s going to whip out a samurai sword and impale me. People on the bus are getting outraged, yelling to the driver to take control of the situation. “She’s probably dangerous! She’s a nutcase! Hello, are you going to do something about this?!” Like, it was almost a straight up lynching squad ready to attack. The driver finally pulls the bus over, and tells her calmly.. “Look lady, you’re freaking everyone out. You need to sit down, shut up, and STAY seated or you will be thrown off the bus.” I look at the guy, and say “Really? You’re gonna make her sit right across from a 7 month pregnant chick?” He sympathizes, and says, “There’s nowhere else. You’re just gonna have to deal.”
Of course I am. She sits, and just whispers it to herself until I got off, so I really have no idea what happened after. All I know is, is that she belonged in a mental institution of sorts. I literally had a nightmare that night about it – shit was no joke.
Now, my recent ride wasn’t the worst. Instead of it being an elder lady, it was an older guy (like 42 or so) who was interested in my purse, dress, and phone. Naturally, he touched all of my things, asking me what they were made of, how much it was, and what size I wore. Literally, petting me and my belongings. My dress, he picked up the edge of it, and asked me what kind it was, to which I said, “Effing Billabong dude, you want it or something?” I mean, he would’ve looked great in it and all, but I’m not one for small talk.
After that, he didn’t really talk to me much, for which I am thankful. Moral of the story… Be a dick. They’ll eventually leave you alone.
That should be a Hallmark card.